51 Tips For Aspiring Writers

There's an ancient custom that goes a little something like this, and it doesn't involved killing yourself in a slow and agonizing manner (not literally anyway): you learn from those who came before you, you practice writing over a long period of time, and then -- when you get better (and you will) -- you help others learn. This is a good process. You keep the machine of progress going by returning the favor. You pass it on. Knowledge, lessons, whatever. Pay it forward, man.

Some people don't believe in that, though. They'd rather withhold information that could help you improve. They would rather sabotage other writers in order to make themselves look better. Those people are stupid. Those people are dick-knuckles. Don't be one of those people. If the only way to make yourself look good is to tear others down (instead of, uh, doing a better job), you should find something else to do. By helping others improve, however, you raise the level of collective quality that's out there. Everybody wins, dammit. It makes things better for these other writers, a better experience for the readers, a better everything for everydamnbody. By constantly raising the bar, we force ourselves to constantly improve. Don't be lazy.

In keeping with that spirit, I've compiled my own list of 51 tips for newer writers. And for old ones, whatever. Agree or disagree, I don't care. I wasn't even going to post this at all, but then I thought about it and was all like, "No, go ahead and publish it," and now the internet is a better place. You're welcome.

1. Stop using the word "aspiring." If you write, you're a writer.
2. Don't try to be the next Wordy McWordyton, or whoever is cool these days.
3. There’s a very good chance you suck. Write anyway.
4. Take pride in your work, regardless of what I said in tip #3.
5. Learn the rules.
6. There are no rules.
7. Never rely on your family members for criticism. Unless your relative is an asshole. Then pay close attention. Maybe.
8. You’ll learn far more from reading negative reviews on Amazon for self-published authors than you ever will by reading the good ones.
9. “There’s only one word you really need to know when it comes to dialogue attribution,” the veteran wordsmith said.
10. Thou shalt not bore the reader.
11. The reader really doesn’t need to know what your character looks like unless it’s a distinguishing characteristic.
12. “If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” -Elmore Leonard
13. Flowery prose is more often than not distracting to the reader.
14. Learn to assassinate adverbs.
15. If you’re not already funny, don’t try to be.
16. If it doesn’t advance the story, assassinate that, too.
17. If you’re worried about somebody stealing your story, you’re probably giving yourself too much credit.
18. Never rely on coincidence, acts of God, or “it was all just a dream” to explain anything. Ever.
19. Don’t worry if you write like shit. Everyone does.
20. Learn to embrace rejection.
21. Read. A lot.
22. Write. A lot.
23. Fantasy is not a place where anything goes.
24. Your reader is smarter than you think. Don’t explain everything.
25. Your thesaurus will fuck, screw, pound, bang, lay, shag, schtup you if you’re not careful.
26. Don’t ruin a whole manuscript for failure to do your research.
27. Never assume Hollywood knows what the fuck it’s talking about.
28. Under-recondite, lucid sentence construction is oft preferable to exceedingly elaborate explanatory narration.
29. Screw your characters over as much as possible. Conflict and tension makes the world go ‘round.
30. “Don’t ya’ll never overly re-law too much own no elab'ritt ack-sentuation to dim-moan-straight dialect when writin’ dialogue.” It interrupts the flow.
31. Learn how the publishing system works.
32. Never assume you will get rich from writing. You probably won’t.
33. What’s trendy today is also usually really, really annoying.
34. By all means, give NaNoWriMo a try.
35. Don’t ever try to publish a first draft. Or a second.
36. Be persistent. Be persistent. Be persistent. Be persistent. Be persistent.
37. Make the time to write. Make it a habit.
38. A lot of superlatives are really bad.
39. Stop using so many exclamation points! Use them sparingly!!!
40. Same goes for WORDS IN ALL CAPS and underlined words.
41. Basic grammer and spelling, will take you far in life. This one topic alone is beyond the scope of article’s like this one. You can never be to good at this.
42. Work extra hard be diligent in eliminating a lot of unnecessary words.
43. Metaphors are usually shit and similes are like shit. But try them anyway.
44. You can always fix something later.
45. Read outside your comfort zone. Don’t ever rely on bestseller lists to demonstrate what good writing looks like.
46. Write the story you want to read.
47. There is no perfect story. There is no perfect reader.
48. Move on to the next thing when you’re finished. Let the manuscript simmer before coming back to edit.
49. Finish everything you start.
50. Don’t be afraid to kill anything you create.
51. Have fun.

So there you have it. 51 things from my brain to yours. If you could offer just one piece of writing advice, what would it be? Tell me! Do you disagree with any of these?

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